Some of you may have heard that I have this talent. We like to call it "Old Man Knack". Basically it's the ability to make otherwise cranky, old men to become nice and pretty much fall in love with. In the endearing kind of way. Unfortunately, this ability sometimes presents itself in the oddest places and with people I wouldn't have imagined would be affected. This is a story about one of those times.
Last night I decided to order a pizza. I wasn't really feeling like cooking much. It had been a long afternoon in the sun, at the Draper Temple, for a friend's wedding, a late afternoon nap, and then making and packaging several orders for Spell It Out. I just wanted something easy - aka something I didn't have to make. Everything went as normal. I placed the order online and waited for the delivery person to show up.
When the pizza arrived I was greeted, by name, by the delivery guy. He asked how my evening was and I politely responded and returned the question. Little did I know that he was having a bad day... bad week... bad month... bad couple of years - and I was about to learn all about it. Situations such as this make me unsure. Obviously the guy needed someone to talk to, but was I really the right person? Also, I am standing at my front door holding a piping hot pizza, in my lounge clothes just wanting to plop on the couch and chill for the rest of the night. But, I stood in the doorway and listened to the delivery guy tell his story about his life, his marriage and his kids. He even showed me pictures of the kids he so dearly loves and was concerned about. I offered my candid opinion, when he asked for it. He seemed very confused about life and not quite sure what he should be doing. Granted I did feel odd about the situation.
1- I don't know this guy or his life. Who am I to offer up advice?
2 - He is about 1.5 times my age.
3 - Jon was not home at the time and could not rescue me.
For roughly 45 minutes I stood in the doorway listening and giving my opinion. The delivery guy talked about his frustrations with his marriage, potential divorce, his recent run ins with the law and possible physical abuse of his kids at the hands of a loved one. All of these things I don't necessarily feel a stranger should be privy to, unless they are some sort of professional in a related field. Basically all I could tell the guy is that he needs to do what will make him happy and what is in his heart. I am not sure how many times I rephrased that sentiment. Obviously, he needed someone to speak to. I even encouraged contacting a Dr. He told me he was already seeing someone. Either there was something about me that made him feel comfortable in talking, or just likes to tell all of his customers about his personal life.
Jon later arrived home to find me still in the doorway talking with the delivery guy. It seemed to be perfect timing. I felt the conversation wasn't going to end. I also felt guilty in just shooing the guy away after he poured out his story, but it was very awkward to be the person who chose to spill it all to. I was uncomfortable about it all. Jon saved me.
Once Jon arrived the stream of stories stopped. The delivery guy focused on Jon and told him how wonderful of a person I was to listen to him. During the conversation I had kept mentioning that my boyfriend was on his way home, hoping that would wrap things up. I did finally wrap things up but not until Jon got there.
I worry about the delivery guy and hope he finds what he needs in his life. I am also concerned that there might be a knock on my door one day and it's him randomly stopping by to talk. I don't want to be short/rude to people... but, honestly, I was a little bothered that all of that was dumped on me by a stranger.
Am I wrong?
Last night I decided to order a pizza. I wasn't really feeling like cooking much. It had been a long afternoon in the sun, at the Draper Temple, for a friend's wedding, a late afternoon nap, and then making and packaging several orders for Spell It Out. I just wanted something easy - aka something I didn't have to make. Everything went as normal. I placed the order online and waited for the delivery person to show up.
When the pizza arrived I was greeted, by name, by the delivery guy. He asked how my evening was and I politely responded and returned the question. Little did I know that he was having a bad day... bad week... bad month... bad couple of years - and I was about to learn all about it. Situations such as this make me unsure. Obviously the guy needed someone to talk to, but was I really the right person? Also, I am standing at my front door holding a piping hot pizza, in my lounge clothes just wanting to plop on the couch and chill for the rest of the night. But, I stood in the doorway and listened to the delivery guy tell his story about his life, his marriage and his kids. He even showed me pictures of the kids he so dearly loves and was concerned about. I offered my candid opinion, when he asked for it. He seemed very confused about life and not quite sure what he should be doing. Granted I did feel odd about the situation.
1- I don't know this guy or his life. Who am I to offer up advice?
2 - He is about 1.5 times my age.
3 - Jon was not home at the time and could not rescue me.
For roughly 45 minutes I stood in the doorway listening and giving my opinion. The delivery guy talked about his frustrations with his marriage, potential divorce, his recent run ins with the law and possible physical abuse of his kids at the hands of a loved one. All of these things I don't necessarily feel a stranger should be privy to, unless they are some sort of professional in a related field. Basically all I could tell the guy is that he needs to do what will make him happy and what is in his heart. I am not sure how many times I rephrased that sentiment. Obviously, he needed someone to speak to. I even encouraged contacting a Dr. He told me he was already seeing someone. Either there was something about me that made him feel comfortable in talking, or just likes to tell all of his customers about his personal life.
Jon later arrived home to find me still in the doorway talking with the delivery guy. It seemed to be perfect timing. I felt the conversation wasn't going to end. I also felt guilty in just shooing the guy away after he poured out his story, but it was very awkward to be the person who chose to spill it all to. I was uncomfortable about it all. Jon saved me.
Once Jon arrived the stream of stories stopped. The delivery guy focused on Jon and told him how wonderful of a person I was to listen to him. During the conversation I had kept mentioning that my boyfriend was on his way home, hoping that would wrap things up. I did finally wrap things up but not until Jon got there.
I worry about the delivery guy and hope he finds what he needs in his life. I am also concerned that there might be a knock on my door one day and it's him randomly stopping by to talk. I don't want to be short/rude to people... but, honestly, I was a little bothered that all of that was dumped on me by a stranger.
Am I wrong?
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2 comments:
No, you are not at all wrong to feel that way. That is definitely stepping over some boundaries and I think anyone would have felt the same in your shoes. I know I certainly would have.
I have experienced this same thing in my job, patients sit down with me to discuss an eyewear purchase and end up giving me their life story. It's awkward because, like you say, you don't know this person and hardly feel qualified to offer up advice.
But sometimes people just need someone to listen. This guy sounds like he was just full to the brim and it all came pouring out. Was it chance that it happened to be with you? Perhaps. Regardless, it was kind of you to give up nearly an hour of your time to listen to a perfect stranger.
I agree with Niki and you had to eat cold pizza.
People are just weird about what they will tell to strangers...it's probably easier for them to talk to a stranger sometimes because all they know is what you tell them. There is no other side to their story. I still have people do it to me now, but it was worse when I was still in school and they were almost all strangers.
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